I Hate Rock 'n' Roll

You Fill Me With Inertia

2008-12-29T13:21:00.002-06:00

I've been expending my vital fluids elsewhere (http://www.myspace.com/beautifulsupermachines) trying to get a vast, pretentious, super inside-job pop-culture-referencing album recorded, but I promise to get back to charming my tiny "audience" here in 2009. And: quit smoking.

I'm Sorry But: WHAT THE FUCK?

2008-11-22T21:55:00.003-06:00

http://www.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/blotter/entries/2008/11/21/bag_on_luggage_cart_catches_fi.html

A piece of baggage, just off a Southwest Airlines flight from Las Vegas, CATCHES FIRE AFTER BEING PLACE ON A CART.

Yeah, investigate the cause. Please.

The Department Of Who Cares

2008-11-20T16:43:00.003-06:00

"Guns 'n' Roses" (Axlosaurus Pitifilii) is streaming his new album on MySpace tonight.

15 year-long yawn ensues, a grieving nation sells its bandanas.

Actual democracy in China came closer to fruition in the meantime.

http://www.myspace.com/gunsnroses

I'm so glad that's all over. Now for the MBV album.

New Nails Required In Reagan's Coffin

2008-09-29T14:24:00.003-05:00

From the NYT bailout-rejection story just after the vote:

Representative Darrell Issa, a Republican, said he was “resolute” in his opposition to the measure because it would betray party principles and amount to “a coffin on top of Ronald Reagan’s coffin.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/business/30bailout.html?hp

Issa is the guy who started the California Gov. recall, bankrolled it, then withdrew from the race.

Whatever, I say nail that sucker shut tightly, as if it were nuke plant waste.

Indie Rock is Dead; Long Live...eh, never mind.

2008-09-26T17:59:00.004-05:00

When a genre (just read the ad copy for the definitive definition of Indie Rock(s) in your mouth), gets to the 'construction kit' era, it's time to run for cover.

I find it's the "indie rock nuts" that are most annoying.

Good songs are the grown-up equivalent of putting your liquid assets into precious metals.

Or as the copy says: A bulletproof toolbox full of indie rock nuts and bolts, Black Paint dials directly into today's popular formats, from power pop ballads and dance-rock stormers to big time anthems with riffs that stick like duct tape.

http://www.sonycreativesoftware.com/blackpaint

Self-Esteem and Self-Medication

2008-09-25T13:43:00.002-05:00

The Mets. It's that time of year when they play like a junkie that believes they don't deserve success and squander everything.

http://www.mugshots.com/IMAGES/Mugshot__Robert-Downey-Jr.jpg

Palin Witchcraft Exorcism OR The Consequences of a US Nuclear First Strike Against Itself

2008-09-25T00:17:00.005-05:00

I am hallucinating, aren't I? Those aren't soup kitchens being built, are they? Meanwhile, Ms. Nero continues to string her bow. She appears at around 7:30.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl4HIc-yfgM

Remember, if you see a mushroom cloud, walk towards the peaceful, cleansing light. The options are too horrible to contemplate.

Like the one alien-abducted guy in a cage in the UFO in that one X-Files episode that was a parody and had Charles Nelson Reilly in it and the aliens and stuff, you just want to say "this isn't happening, this isn't happening......"

Yet Another Exercise In Excruciatingly Good Taste That You Will Most Likely Avoid

2008-09-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

Though you probably should be there. To learn things. And stuff. And drink. And support local djs who eschew the charisma-free laptop zone. And who are so, so lovable, warm, fuzzy, and whatnot. And who do not participate in the Irish Music, Mod, or other revival Movements. And who are fully divested of South African equities. Fuck, let's face it: we are awesome. Please come and stare in awe, elbows crossed, at our magnificence. And humility.

It was about the $40, not the well-deserved big money.

2008-09-22T23:51:00.001-05:00

So there.

Dead Milkmen: Don't Do It

2008-09-22T14:12:00.005-05:00

I always thought people who were Dead Milkmen fans the first time around were a bit, um, suspect; now the nostalgia lens yield = neuralgia.

Novelty acts of almost every genre make me ill, but I'm schtick-averse when it comes to bands. Powdered wigs? Just be an old-guy crunchy Pistols-style punk band for crying out loud.

Have some fucking dignity in your old age.

You could always follow Ezra Pound's advice: make it new.

Another problem: all festivals make me nauseated and tired, just in the contemplation of them. But hey Fun x3 looks like a lot of people will have a great time. Welcome to Austin: now that we've had sex with you, go home!

UPDATE: Team CTSB also had deep thoughts on the Dead Milkmen reunion today, but they were nicer:
http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/?p=14325

Please Excuse Our Boot(leg): "Enjoy"

2008-09-22T13:27:00.004-05:00

For the slack among you, download a not-that-excruciating bootleg of our show at Emo's this past Saturday.

The signal chain for fixing the tiny-crapper-digital-recorder wav files was:

stereo track:
ReaFir super EQ
Waves T4
Waves C4 compressor

master buss:
LOSER stereo-width
Stillwell Rocket Compressor (in distressor mode)
LOSER saturator
Waves C4
Sonnox Limiter

Sorry but I didn't super-tweak everything. Do I know it's an unorthodox signal chain?
Tricks are for kids.

http://www.4shared.com/file/63935044/920d4b58/Emos_Live.html

You Only Find Out You Have Readers When You Make A Mistake

2008-09-22T13:23:00.003-05:00

There is a new policy here at haterock:

Fact-checking. Because there are readers, even if they are three skinheads who are looking for a hate-dose, they deserve the facts as they are.

I know, I know. We all miss the free-wheeling, AOL Chat sex days of the early internet.

But that's not going to work in the coming New Soup Kitchen Era.

Know What I'm Sayin'?

2008-09-21T14:57:00.003-05:00

From the NYT "Bats" blog:

“Because he has this type of optimism and expectation, you don’t really want to go out and squash them, know what I’m saying? ” Manuel said.

(He was speaking of Maine's return to the Mets rotation)

I love the fact that Manuel is so......down by law.

The Department of "No Shit"

2008-09-21T13:54:00.005-05:00

From the NY Times "Fifth Down Blog"----

Expect a markedly different mentality from the Giants after Tom Coughlin gets to them over the half.

Which somehow reminds me how much I miss the subtle comedy of Bill Parcells' after-game press conferences. Seriously. Funny, funny stuff.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bill_parcells_hated_football

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGw3soM07Yw&feature=related

The Band Thing

2008-09-19T22:11:00.002-05:00

So the band, Beautiful Supermachines, played our "soft opening" at Beerland and it was a blast and several friends' bands played and a good time was had by all.

Next, we open for the beloved The New Year at Emo's Austin tomorrow night. We play at 10pm sharp. Avoid the Pecan Street Festival BS, please. Don't be late: we plan to be good.

Possibly Not The Best Way to Invite Myself to Watch The Game At Someone's House

2008-09-11T13:27:00.003-05:00

extracted from the email self-invite:

Warning: I learned from my father during the Landry - MEREDITH era how to cuss at the television.

Further warning: when Staubach lofted the Hail Mary to Drew Pearson and some frozen-brained MinneSOtan hurled a grapefruit or whatever at the play and my assembled family thought it was a flag, things were tossed at the television. My older brother threw a dishtowel, knocking over and cracking the glass on a photo of him as a naked baby, and his Vietnam PTSD flared up, causing him to become a Republican.

Disclaimer: I will not throw anything, unless possible food ejecta counts.

Historical fact: the first NFL game that I have a conscious memory for is the ICE BOWL.

-----
Anyway, in Minnesota, the Hail Mary is called the Drew Pearson Push-Off, and no mention is ever made of the asshole who threw a frozen grapefruit or whatever penalty-flag-colored object it may have been.

And they are still bitter about it:
http://blog.lib.umn.edu/maasx003/Vikings/images/keyshawnfacehit.gif

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-11T12:29:00.003-05:00

Right now, Ike is saying to Texas, "no...I love you. I want to take care of you......"

http://tinyurl.com/5c6je9

The Large Watermelon Smasher

2008-09-10T12:48:00.003-05:00

Addressing comments (in person, nobody actually reads this blog or cares enough to comment, thank G-D) about my wishing the attack on Noel "Prop Comic" Gallagher had succeded: you may be right, but your reasoning is flawed.

Oasis funded several great Teenage Fanclub records.

On the other hand, it's all largely a moot point now, so have at him.

CORRECTION: a well-placed source tells me that TFC were profitable or close to during their Creation years. So have at him. My lawyer wants me to make clear that this is not a command nor will there be backward-masking of this non-command in any subsequent recordings.

Please Stop The Fucking Irish Music

2008-09-09T23:07:00.006-05:00

Tim Kerr, Spot, thank you for your tremendous contributions to music in general and music that I've loved over the years.

Now stop the fucking Irish music. Please.

I think I have very catholic (look it up if you have to) taste in music. I can appreciate the lineage of "old-timey" music and the threads that led to 30 Seconds to Mars or whatever.

But.

This particular Punk Rock Retirement Home needs to be retired. Let me backtrack just a bit: I used to be an asshole, now I just tell the truth. Please. Stop. The. Fucking. Irish. Music. It warms my heart to see these pioneers of second-wave alt.music cozy up to local technicians of ancient non-swinging white folks music. Actually, it doesn't. See? I have to tell the truth.

It's amazing. I'm sure it's great fun to play. It's so close to bluegrass, which is at least one arguable root of speed metal. (I trace speed metal to Bach's Concertos for 3 and 4 Harpsichords but you know, for God). But I can't listen to it anymore.

And therefore, I beseech you, move along now. Your guys clog up the patio to point of fire hazard, don't drink enough, and other than you, Mr. Tim Kerr, are kind of not very friendly to other patrons.

In closing, let me add that my father was descended from Black Irish stock, so not only am I secure in my hereditary stance here, but also please stop the fucking Irish Music.

Thank you.

Kobe Decides To Sacrifice Proper Teacup Holding Etiquette For The Good of the Lakers

2008-09-09T16:25:00.002-05:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3578123

via the AP-
LOS ANGELES -- Reigning NBA MVP Kobe Bryant will not have surgery on his right pinkie because recovery would take too long.

Sometimes I Type Fast, Sometimes I Type Slow

2008-09-09T15:28:00.002-05:00

http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/?p=14221

GC fixed the HTML to the pic I sent and then I noticed that I had mutated "perfectly" into "perfect."

I have a perfect good command of the English language, thank you.

Yet Another Hallucination

2008-09-09T11:57:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/10/world/asia/10thai.html?hp

The Thai Prime Minister was forced out of office by the High Court for accepting money to appear on TV.

ON A COOKING SHOW.

His party is going to name him TO SUCCEED HIMSELF.

Foiled Again

2008-09-08T20:14:00.004-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts/AP-People-Noel-Gallagher.html

Apparently the exploding cigar I mailed the guy didn't arrive in time.

UPDATE: As Gerard said, "No court in the world would convict him."

2008-09-08T16:37:00.002-05:00

First show update special

2008-09-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

Our first show is now at the Last Place With Soul, Beerland.

Sunday, September 14th. It looks like we're pulling together a really good lineup, too.

More to come as bands are confirmed.

UPDATE: I'd do that cool strikethrough thing if I could find it here.

UPDATE 2: Air Traffic Controllers have confirmed. They are chewy noise with a soft, mold spore outside, just the way you should like it.

UPDATE 3: The lineup is set:
Beautiful Supermachines
Aaron Blount
Air Traffic Controllers
Distant Seconds
Dikes of Holland

That is some f**king entertainment right there, ladies and gentlemen, if the terms fit.

The Tom Landry Shrine

2008-09-07T19:24:00.006-05:00

I've started trying, when I've gotten enough sleep to wake up before it gets hot, to take a thirty minute walk around the neighborhood. I listen to instrumentals of the songs I'm working on, walk, and smoke. It feels like exercise.

Two blocks away is the Texas State Cemetery, and in the area reserved for the leading heroes of our Republic, there among John Connally, some other dead white guys and one person I actually respect (Barbara Jordan), lies Tom Landry.

On opening day of this critical season, I visited the shrine.

Dallas 28, Cleveland 10. A tradition is born. (Let's take care of those silly penalties)

UPDATE: For the 3 people who read this and thought I was serious: please. I had no idea the guy was buried two blocks from my house. And Texas is a state, not a Republic.

Lou Reed as Nostradamus

2008-09-07T10:07:00.005-05:00

Quoting from "Caroline Says, Pt. 2,"---

"It's so cold/in Alaska
It's so cold/in Alaska
It's so cold/in Alaska
It's so cold/in Alaska
It's so cold/in Alaska."

I have so far been unable to find any links to a future Biden Administration in his collected works.

UPDATE: The Matador Blog has released a live version of the above prognostication as a preview of the live recording of "Berlin". Listen/steal here:

http://www.matadorrecords.com/matablog/?p=2298

For some reason embedding URLs isn't working. Cut and paste, you lazy hipsters.

Two Reasons That the Death of Print is Inevitable

2008-09-07T10:05:00.002-05:00

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/090708dnmetgrammar.11a3a15.html

Don't Be Danny White Part 2

2008-09-05T23:17:00.003-05:00

Before Mitch "I'm A 4th Down QB" Hoopes became the punter, Danny White would stay on offense to punt.

But of course, he would "see something" at times and go for it.

I can still remember reading Tom Landry's lips every time: "No, Danny, no!"

Then they signed Hoopes. Alas, poor Tom. Where was your God? Leading you to a 1 - 15 season. And you're still not on Mt. Rushmore. And Gifford? That clown.

Am I Hallucinating?

2008-09-05T23:13:00.005-05:00

From the NYT:

Ms. Palin took the extraordinary step Tuesday of filing an ethics complaint against herself, making the matter fall within the bailiwick of the personnel board. Mr. Van Flein then asked the Legislature to drop its inquiry.

The three members of the personnel board are appointed by the governor and confirmed by the Legislature. The proceedings of the board are conducted in secret, in contrast with the public deliberations of the Legislature.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/06/us/politics/06trooper.html

Don't be Danny White

2008-09-05T22:43:00.006-05:00

Big-game choker. Stats = (fairly) golden. Tom Landry loved him--- his kind of guy, which has to make you suspicious right there. Ever heard of a book (and movie) called "North Dallas Forty"?

There was one home game, NFC Championship (?) vs. the LA (!) Rams, December (of course). Got seats at the top row of Texas Stadium. They had not yet closed in the space between the upper level and the dome. God's View hole: open. Coffee: frozen in cup by 2nd quarter. The game was going so badly by halftime (for the Cowboys) that a giant paper airplane made of a program made it from high in the seats to the field and got the biggest cheer from the home crowd than any play in the previous quarter of play.

Crazy Ray kept yelling "Cowboys" near a microphone that was supposed to only pick up the band, grimly amplified into this macabre sociological experiment. I felt like killing the mascot (a running theme in my live sports life).

Hell had frozen over, and I was in it.

Left at halftime and made it back to collegetown in time to see the inevitable loss in warmth. Only lost one toe.

Don't be a Danny White. Among others, I'm looking at you, Tony R.

It's ALL entertainment

2008-09-05T21:29:00.002-05:00

Show people are different people:

http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/arts/entertainment-cornell.html

Really, premiering your new sound and single on Leno says it all. Leno people worry me.

Our fifth band practice

2008-09-05T15:37:00.007-05:00

Was incredible. You know that movie, with that guy, the one in London or somewhere in which dragons have come back to destroy humankind, and only Matthew "Bongo Fury" McConaughey can save the world?

We could've done that. Yeah.

We were wizards at Music Lab for one hour, and many never reach even that pinnacle. Hopeless cookie-monster bands rehearse all around us there.

http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/1241496

Everybody hates Ticketmaster since Eddie Vedder taught us to, so I bet you can get tickets at Waterloo Records and probably Trailer Space Records if they ever return from, ahem, vacation.

Unbreak My Heart, or My Heart Will Go On

2008-09-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

Gov. Palin could be, as they say, "one heartbeat away from the Presidency." Let's calculate.

One common measure of heartbeats-per-lifespan puts it at: 40 million/year yields more than 2.5 billion heartbeats in a 70 year lifespan.

McCain's age = 72 if he takes the oath in January '09.

You do the math from there.

Breaking News

2008-09-05T11:25:00.001-05:00

I am still completely (drug and-) disease-free, and my vasectomy is holding perfectly, so to speak.

All aboard!

DJ Brodown at the Mohawk

2008-09-05T10:18:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, September 16th at the Mohawk, down in the Red River Entertainment-Industrial Complex, me and Gerard C. will set the night on fire. GC will be fresh off his East Side residency at the Scoot Inn (another great show there on 9/12) and promises to "bring it" to the Mohawk no matter what the Mets may accomplish between now and then.

Personal message to Jessica S.

2008-09-05T10:15:00.001-05:00

Yes, Jessica, those nights were special for me, too. But the regular season is upon us, and much as I admire your 'special talent show,' I just can't bring myself to add to Tony's distractions.

So until our boys wash out again this year, it's over. I promise I'll think of you from time to time, but please: leave me alone.

Can it be done?

2008-07-09T00:31:00.000-05:00

48 songs. Hundreds of lyric ideas, titles, scraps of paper, Word docs, moleskin notebooks of three types......I just need a set, two guitar players, two keyboardists, a rhythm section, and strings and brass at my disposal.

Also, a B-70 canard-wing strategic bomber with a unlimited Wal-mart gas card.

Yeah.....I can get the set done.

Meanwhile, somewhere in S. Korea....Sarah claims to have run out of ideas. I don't believe it. Experimental dancers need only summon St. Vitus.

Inferior cover

2008-07-08T00:28:00.000-05:00

It's the Monday night record party at Rio Rita (1308 E. 6th St in Austin, TX) and because I love Bedhead and The New Year, and like well enough the nonsensical if reasonably indie-pop candy of Band of Horses' "The Funeral," I tracked down the 45: the bonus being the flip is their cover the The New Year's gorgeously apocalyptic "The End's Not Near".

Having just spun it, I have two problems with the cover: it's a desecration of the original that kids who know the song only from the "O.C." soundtrack think it's the original. Two, this particular pressing credits both songs to Band of Horses. OK, three: they made it 4/4. Was it that hard to play, guys? Hippies.

I made sure Bubba K. knew about it, which he did.....Bubba, they done your song wrong twice.